Why Being Ourselves is the Hardest Thing to Do.

May 20, 2024

Written By Belle Mott

Being ourselves is one of the hardest things to do because somewhere along the way we picked up the belief that we are not good enough the way we are. Everywhere we look, we come up against the idea that just being who we are is insufficient.

We have been led to believe that If we want to compete in the marketplace of life, we need to be better, stronger, smarter, prettier, fitter, saner, than we are. Now, I’m all for self-improvement with the goal that we are healthier, happier versions of ourselves, but do we really need the latest iPhone every couple of years? Or butt implants that make us look like centaurs?

At the risk of sounding like a conspiracy theorist, I’m going to propose that leading us away from our authenticity is not an accident, but by design. If we were inundated with the idea that we are ok just the way we are 24/7, the economy would come to a grinding halt because like it or not, our systems and society are based on consumption. If we feel good in our skins, who is left to buy all the shit?

I doubt that there is some sinister cabal rubbing their hands together at the top of the food chain, but there seems to be sufficient evidence that many critical decisions are being made by corporations who have the ear of politicians and law-makers who don’t always have our best interest at heart. The watchdogs who are supposed to have our backs have been neutered or catching zzzzs under palapas on all expenses paid trips.

I’m from the generation that drank warm water from a hose; rode our bikes to natural spaces; skinned our knees and elbows reaching for non-gmo cherries that melted in your mouth like sweet sunshine, self-organized games of kick-the-can, helped our elderly neighbors carry in groceries, guzzled glasses of Tang, and peddled like hell to get home before the street lights came on. Sorry for the sappy trip down memory lane, but it was necessary, not to hold it up as some idyllic childhood, but to make the point that back then (I promise I won’t offer you a caramel candy covered in pocket lint) whether we were conscious of it or not, we were connected not only to our communities, but to the natural world we played in.

We not only witnessed, but integrated ourselves into the rhythms and cycles of nature. We looked for crabs under rocks, watched tadpoles turn to frogs and carried carried orange-bellied salamanders by their tails. We swam in lakes, oceans and above ground pools if we were lucky enough to be friends with the doctor’s kid. We camped under stars, roasted marshmallows and scratched our mosquito bites raw.

A zit before the school dance, although world-shattering, didn’t send us into depression (or maybe it did, but no one gave a shit).

Don’t get me wrong, the world was definitely not perfect back then. Bad shit was happening all around us, but we were somewhat impervious to it, not because we were so resilient, but because we could hang out in natural spaces with our friends and find silence. We had the luxury to escape from the chaos to tune in to the rhythms of nature. Sadly, these places are not as readily available today or even if they are, they take second billing to the master in our pockets.

The world makes so much noise that the voice of our authentic selves is lost in the static. Because of this, we are much more susceptible to the negative opinions and judgements of others. When the external voices tell us that we aren’t good enough without the latest piece of technology, mascara, or 300 dollar yoga pants, we run the risk of believing it.

So what do we do? We can’t just do away with technology. How would we do the important things that help us function in the world like check our bank balance; pay our bills, pre-order a double pour, no foam latte? The trick is to use technology without allowing it to use us. In other words, our smart phones make great slaves, but lousy masters. But using technology only when needed and having the willpower to put it away is easier said than done.

Tristan Harris, the former ethicist at Google (that might be an oxymoron) testified before congress that tech companies have spent billions of dollars on fine tuning the algorithms that hijack the feel good centers in our brains. Harris opened by informing the committee that algorithms are purposefully created to keep people hooked; it’s an inherent part of the business model. You know the rush that you experience when someone likes your post? Neuroscientists believe that rush of well-being is a result of dopamine and serotonin—the happy hormones released in your brain. In other words, these tech companies have hacked our biology. So how do we fight back? We fight back by being our authentic selves. How? I’m glad you asked. Read about it in my next post.